Importance of Safety Plan in our life

[Gentle D]

It is good for us to have a safety plan that will help our mood. Sometimes our mood is dependent on our feelings and perceptions of events/circumstances around us.
1. We need to have a balance work life by breaking our routines and activities into small tasks, We can always reset our deadlines.
2. Create side attractions or distractions such as playing sports/volunteering for charities/taking a walk/go to movies etc
3. Lowe your expectations from people,
4. have balanced perceptions of issues.
we are one family add your own safety tips

[uni]

Thanks for the interesting topic, Gentle D.

I'm a big fan of breaking things down into small tasks. Some people go whole hog and tackle everything at once, and it works for them. That method just gets me overwhelmed, so I've tried the smaller chunks of activity and have more success.

I also like the idea of lowering my expectations of other people. It's nice when they act the way I'd like, but I'm trying to accept them as they are. Not always easy to do!

Since you suggested we add our own tips, here's one of mine: if you live alone, pick up the phone and call (not just text) one positive person every day, or at least 2 or 3 times each week. It's amazing how much difference that can make

[Gentle D]

Thanks for the interesting topic, Gentle D.

I'm a big fan of breaking things down into small tasks. Some people go whole hog and tackle everything at once, and it works for them. That method just gets me overwhelmed, so I've tried the smaller chunks of activity and have more success.

I also like the idea of lowering my expectations of other people. It's nice when they act the way I'd like, but I'm trying to accept them as they are. Not always easy to do!

Since you suggested we add our own tips, here's one of mine: if you live alone, pick up the phone and call (not just text) one positive person every day, or at least 2 or 3 times each week. It's amazing how much difference that can make

I totally agree with you, it gives the joy to call somebody and say I am just checking on you or just to touch base. you just spoke my mind, the call I received early this morning from an old school friend brought a sweet smile and made my whole day.
I will always say even if you are not living alone, try and call one old friend, at least one person per week, you will be surprised how they missed you!

[Quito]

It is good for us to have a safety plan that will help our mood. Sometimes our mood is dependent on our feelings and perceptions of events/circumstances around us.
1. We need to have a balance work life by breaking our routines and activities into small tasks, We can always reset our deadlines.
2. Create side attractions or distractions such as playing sports/volunteering for charities/taking a walk/go to movies etc
3. Lowe your expectations from people,
4. have balanced perceptions of issues.
we are one family add your own safety tips

I needed to read this today, thank you. I manage number one and number three pretty well but I need to work on the other two. Newly retired, I just came back from the European holiday of a lifetime. Think I'm experiencing post vacation blues. I have plans to meet up with friends.

I don't play sports or volunteer but yesterday I put my name forward to sit on my condo board. Lowering expectations of others I do fairly consistently. My sons have busy lives with wives, kids, friends, and jobs. When we visit it's nice but not always the connection I'm wanting. I always understand they're busy. I well remember life in my 30s.

Balanced perception of issues is almost antithetical to depression which skews perception to the dark. Right now I'm feeling like an extra in a film that could be let go. No one will notice ... or cry for very long. I've been thinking about MAID a lot. I'll need a safety plan when MAID becomes available to the mentally ill. Here are my safety ideas:

Eat healthy
Exercise
Reach out to friends, set plans for walks, coffee, movies
Do something nice for a neighbor or friend
See a counselor for childhood issues & coping strategies
Journal
Join a choir and sing even when you don't feel like it
Deliver Meals on Wheels to seniors
Plan a trip, however small

[Gentle D]

I needed to read this today, thank you. I manage number one and number three pretty well but I need to work on the other two. Newly retired, I just came back from the European holiday of a lifetime. Think I'm experiencing post vacation blues. I have plans to meet up with friends.

I don't play sports or volunteer but yesterday I put my name forward to sit on my condo board. Lowering expectations of others I do fairly consistently. My sons have busy lives with wives, kids, friends, and jobs. When we visit it's nice but not always the connection I'm wanting. I always understand they're busy. I well remember life in my 30s.

Balanced perception of issues is almost antithetical to depression which skews perception to the dark. Right now I'm feeling like an extra in a film that could be let go. No one will notice ... or cry for very long. I've been thinking about MAID a lot. I'll need a safety plan when MAID becomes available to the mentally ill. Here are my safety ideas:

Eat healthy
Exercise
Reach out to friends, set plans for walks, coffee, movies
Do something nice for a neighbor or friend
See a counselor for childhood issues & coping strategies
Journal
Join a choir and sing even when you don't feel like it
Deliver Meals on Wheels to seniors
Plan a trip, however small

Your safety plan is great, I love it, it is good we work on our perceptions as suggested.

[uni]

I happened upon this thread today without looking for it, but it's just what I need right now. Good reminders. The one that struck home is about lowering my expectations of people.

This morning I phoned a close family member to confirm the date and time of something that's coming up. I know better than to expect calm and courteous conversation with her, but I guess that's what I was expecting without really thinking about it. Suffice it to say that she was loud, abrupt, and generally prickly. I was glad the call had to be brief, as I needed to phone someone else right away to give them the info.

I felt pretty crappy after getting off the phone with her. I think due to our long and close history I get triggered by certain things she says, or more likely the way in which she says them. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, it still happens. Things will go along relatively well for a few weeks or even months, then bam! Back to the old icky feeling from something she has said.

I'm not sure there's any way to resolve this. Every once in a few years I'll risk it and tell her how I feel about our interactions. It seems to come as a big surprise to her. Then she'll sort of pull in her horns for a while. Recently I got brave and shared that I was having a tough summer mood wise. She was surprisingly concerned, although I can't say supportive. I know from the past that she's very bothered about the topic of mental health issues (having had her own in the past), and tends to deny, minimize, or avoid the topic. So the fact that she went so far as to ask if I could visit a walk-in clinic if necessary was sort of a pleasant surprise. Since then we had a couple of calls which went well. Now back to this.

Anyway I see now that I basically defaulted into "victim mode" today. By that I mean I felt hurt and powerless. When in fact, yes, I may feel hurt when it comes to her aggressive way of communicating, and she's going to be the way she is, but I'm not powerless. I can get my equilibrium back. And I'm starting to. But I do get tired of having to. Because when I'm caught off guard my innards just react. Then it takes a bit of time to settle.

I truly don't think she will ever really get how I feel at these times. It doesn't seem to matter whether I try to explain or not. She's a different person than me, wired differently, with a different way of dealing with life, and a different personality.

I've specifically addressed this relationship by talking to my psychologist a year or two ago. What I learned is that some issues between individuals will never get resolved, but they can be managed. And ideally I can actually have some compassion toward the person I'm having difficulties with. But a little time to lick my wounds is sometimes needed before that compassion will happen. I know that this individual has troubles. To me, that doesn't excuse aggression and rudeness. However, I need to shrink it down to where it belongs, let it go, and carry on with my day. I guess that's how I have to keep on managing this. It's sad, because we used to be very close. Time and circumstance have changed that. But she's important to me, so I'll try and look at the bigger picture, retain my boundaries as needed, and although I don't like her behaviour, try to see past it and love her just the way she is. Loving her doesn't mean I have to open myself up to being hurt though. I think it means I can love her but also love myself enough to lower my expectations so I won't feel hurt and letdown too often. That's about it I guess.

Writing all this has brought a better perspective. This is a repeated scenario, and it will probably happen again and again. It tires me out to have my guard up, so I don't want to be always on the watch, especially because she doesn't always act this way. I will just try and deal with it when it happens again. I can do very well with it when my mood is more stable. I can accept her as she is and not be so bothered.

At the bottom of it all, I guess I just wish I was a stabler, less sensitive person sometimes. But I too am who I am. So I'll give myself the same consideration, and accept and love myself for who I am, even if I do feel emotionally oversensitive when I'd rather just not feel.

One feeling I have is that I may want to come back and re-read this post in the future! Because like so many things, it's easier to write about it than it is to live it, that's for sure!

[AJ]

Hi Uni. The first thing that struck me reading your post is that you seem to be very self aware you of what you're thinking and how you're feeling. "What I learned is that some issues between individuals will never get resolved, but they can be managed." is a work in progress for me. The truth is that we only have control over what we do and say, and how we carry ourselves in our walk thru life.

Writing helps me put things in a better perspective too. The expectations and the disappointments in life can be difficult. Sometimes I handle them better and sometimes I don't. Some days being 'out there' is hard and it's ok to go back to home base for rest, reflection and self care.

[uni]

Thanks AJ for the thoughtful reply. I appreciate and agree with what you've said.

It's nice to be able to say to you: "I agree with what you've said'. Although I have differences of opinion with others, as we all do, most of the time I'm not overly bothered by them. As for the person I referred to in my post, we're as likely to disagree as to agree, and unfortunately that bothers me more than with others. So be it. I did go back and read my own post, especially the part about shrinking it down to where it belongs.

I do recognize that I'm pretty self aware of what I'm thinking and feeling. Too much so at times. It may come in part from time spent living alone, but I've also learned to "check in with myself" when something disturbs me, so it doesn't carry on too long and make me miserable.

I've always been an emotional person; even as a child I laughed easily and cried easily. I've had to learn to "manage" those emotions as an adult in order to function in society, but underneath sometimes I still feel like crying at something minor, or want to laugh out loud when others may not see the humour. One thing I'm very grateful for is that I do have a sense of humour, albeit it a somewhat wonky one

[elle131]

Hi Uni. Thank you so much for sharing.

As a fairly sensitive person myself, and even more so in the past, I can understand what you mean when you say you laugh or cry easily. At times, I would get overwhelmed by my emotions and l'd just keep those emotions to myself. When something small made me cry, I'd also ask why am I so sensitive and emotional. But I've come to realize that if this is how I react to what happens around me, then so be it. I just have to learn how to respond to my emotions and take some time with them. I've gotten better at it, but it definitely is a journey with many ups and downs.

That's why I think it's a really good thing that you check in with yourself when something bothers you. I find that extremely important so that our emotions don't bottle up and overflow and make us miserable like you said. Taking time to yourself is something I strongly believe in! I think having some kind of outlet is super helpful and sometimes I even just listening to music and do nothing or sleep to recharge.

Also, even if you might find your sense of humour wonky, I'm still glad that you're grateful for it! I'm happy to see that you're acknowledging this is who you are and learning to love and accept yourself.

All the best,
elle131

[AJ]

Uni most days its the ha ha moments that help me get thru the tough days.

[uni]

Thanks elle131 and AJ. It's nice to know I'm not alone in this "journey with many ups and downs".

Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees. I feel lonely sometimes even though I have people around. I find myself missing the things my ex and I used to do together. I miss being able to do drive-thru Tim Horton's with my good friend who passed away years ago. I miss my mom and dad who have also passed. Losses. I don't mean to dwell on them, but sometimes thoughts of these people just come to me, and I wish they were here to talk to. They aren't, so I'm writing this post. And when I'm done, I will be getting dressed for our hot smoky weather and heading out to do a few things around town. Getting out and about today is exactly what I need

[AJ]

Losses are tough and our memories of activities we used to do with people that have passed away, reminds us of those losses.

Our weather is also hot hot hot! I like the outdoors but not so much in plus 30C