New to forum - Mom has Bipolar

[paul m]

Hello Bunny. In regards to remission. Not all people will go into remission. The study took a cross section and discovered that fewer people at 60 had symptoms of bipolar than at 40 and even fewer at 70. (by percent) In reality the percentage of people with bipolar at 40 and at 70 should be approx the same, allowing for misdiagnosis and a few extra deaths. Good Luck with your Mom and Take Care. paul m

[Bunny]

Good news! My mom told me yesterday that she is being taken off of her anti-depressant. She seems really happy. She still has the anti-psychotic, mood stabilizer and sleeping meds (and some anti-anxiety occasionally), but I still think that's great that she'll be free of at least one drug and it's side effects. Just thought I'd share!

[leila63]

Hi Bunny

I'm glad to hear the news about your Mom coming off anti-depressants. I just did the same thing myself. My pdoc is very anti ad's for Bipolar. So far so good for me anyway.

I'm glad that from what you've said that your Mom has a good doctor. There is no cure for BP but med management makes life a lot better.

[paul m]

Hello Bunny. I very glad for you and your Mom and I hope it works out. Anytime somebody is making a major change in their drug schedule, they should be watched fairly closely as sudden changes can occur. Take Care. paul m

Hello Leila63. I am not wild about A/D's and bipolar either. When I post I try and go with the official stats, 30% of bipolar people will rapid cycle on A/D's. However in real life I find a much higher percentage of people do. Common comments I hear at our group and other places from people with bipolar and stability problems goes like this. " I take Medication X and Y and an antidepressant. I've taken them for ten yrs etc and I cannot get stable. My moods are all over the place" Or they will have changed everything but the A/D and not get stable.

Everyone please note, I do realize that some people can take A/D's just fine and that other people MUST take A/D's because consequences of not taking them is worse than the effects of taking them. Take Care. paul m

[gtchamp]

Just needing to check in

Hi guys. Things have been, hmm, up and down. I am getting rest and that is good. I have come to realize that I was taking on too much and overloaded myself. In order to keep me out of the hospital, I had to come up with a plan on how/who was going to help me with the kids when my husband wasn't around. My mom offered, of course and so did a friend. Too make a long story short, the friend...well, she ended up kinda telling me off since one day I seemed to need her and the next I didn't. Of course, this is typical of rapid cycling (which is what I am doing). I don't quite understand what I have done to hurt her but I can tell she seems upset. It is too confusing to write here but I can tell you that my mom, husband and doctor said no contact with anyone who gives me any DRAMA. So, I can say hello to this friend but for now no real contact (i.e. coffees). I am finding this hard as I feel as though I did something wrong and need to apologize but everyone assures me that I have done nothing wrong. Anyway, I spend most of my time resting. Thanks for listening. And to every other post that is made on this site...you should know....I read them all...and learn. Take care.

[leila63]

Hi Gtchamp

Glad that you are getting some rest and good to hear you are getting support from your husband and Mom. I know myself how frustrating it is to have things not done when I am totally down or in that alternating good days/bad days cycle. It is important to realize that it is ok to ask for help and most likely the people in our lives are more than happy to lend a hand.

I am sorry about the strain this is putting on your relationship with your friend. Reading on this site and others I hear the word "triggers" mentioned that are said to affect one's mental state. I guess this gives me a word that describes why I've avoided certain situations and people because they had a bad effect on me. If this is what happening with your friend I guess you have to go with your gut and do what's best for you. An understanding friend will understand and give you some space.

Thanks for checking in.

[paul m]

Hello Gtchamp. Leil63 is so correct when she talks about triggers. Sometimes I even have to limit contact with my friends who are bipolar as I cannot always deal with their problems and mine at the same time.

For a long time I felt incrediable selfish when I had to do this. But I final realized through a friend of mine who is an alcoholic that we have illness's and we have to live with them. One way he keeps his illness under control is if he is not around friends when they are drinking. When we go to a restaurant I do not have a drink as he has trouble not drinking with me. He has lost many friends over that simple thing. Yet in order to survive, he must do this.

I have to do what I must to survive as well and sometimes that means limiting contact with those around me that trigger my mood changes or who do not understand when I am having a tough time. Fortunately most, but certainly not all, people I know who have bipolar understand this.

BTW, I lost most of my original friends through my battles with bipolar. The really good thing about that is I was fortunate to make better ones, it did take a while though. Take Care. paul m

[AJ]

We do what we need to do to get well, or to stay well, or to recover from not being well. It does feel selfish, but it's not selfish. We owe it to ourselves to do what is needed for our own well being. The truth is that we cannot be available to others in any meaningful way, until we have taken care of ourselves. This means that we will not always be available to others, just as others may not always be available to us.

[Woody]

Bunny, hope the change helps your mom... keep us posted

AJ, I think you summarize it very well.

We do what we need to do to get well, or to stay well, or to recover from not being well.

This is not alway easy and like it has been mentioned before that sometime means that we cannot associate or we have to limit our exposure with some people because they are triggers. Does not mean that they are bad people... People change. They change. We change. I cannot remember the movie that I hear this in but to me it made sense. "I am still my fathers son ... I am just not the son that he remembers" I do not think that it just applies to family, but friends too.

[gtchamp]

Triggers. Yes, I have heard that word before and have been in counselling enough to know about it but I must admit it is new to me in regards to being bipolar. This friend called and left a message last night to see how we (the family) are doing. I am hesitant to call back and the family is hesitant too as they don't want me to really get together with her. Not that she isn't nice, just that for now...we probably aren't good for each other. And yes, I feel awful for saying that. My mom asked me last night how I have been feeling this week. I told her that I have been feeling more rested but started crying because I do fear that she too will walk due to the work involved in caring for me right now. So many have bailed before. She said she wouldn't but she looks so tired. She suffers from chronic depression (in remission right now) and very BAD arthric knees. The weekend is coming and then it is my husbands turn and she will have a break from dinners and us at her house. I'm sure it won't be for much longer. Although...I am not sure if I am still swinging cause I woke at 4:30am this morning and right after this will be baking muffins for the girls and hubby to wake up to. Yes, sign that I am swinging up. Hopefully it stops at my "normal" kinda line and doesn't continue up. I see my psych on Friday afternoon. Take well my friends. Thanks to you all...

[Bunny]

Hi gtchamp,
Sounds like things are really hard on you right now. I hope your appointment tomorrow goes well. My mom talks a lot about triggers. She has a boyfriend who has schitzophenia (I hope I spelled that right), and he goes through bouts of paranoia etc., that really affect her. Part of me wonders if they would be healthier apart. It's hard though I think, becuase they are such a huge support for eachother (he is so good to her, I am so greatful for him in her life), but I'm sure their illnesses are probably "aggrivated" when one of them is having a difficult time. It's hard to find a balance between the support and the triggers... My mom has pulled away from her dramatic/using/negative friends though, which I think is probably very healthy. The last thing anyone, (healthy or ill) needs when they are down is someone telling them off... Anyways, that's my two cents.

[leila63]

Hi Gtcham p

I think it is really nice to make muffins for the family. I know my family likes it a lot when I can pamper them in some way, not so much for the pampering, but because it means I'm doing better.

Thanks to everyone for addressing the triggers and things arising there from. I really needed to learn some more about this issue.

[paul m]

Hello Leila63. I am glad that you want to learn more about triggers. I will warn you that they are very individual things. What will set off a depressive episode in one person may not effect me or may cause me to start to be manic. A lack of sleep, not getting outside and 3-4 cups of coffee a day will start me on a manic rise everytime, but may not affect you.

On the other hand, if I start obsessing over trival things, it will trigger depression if I am not carefull.

As well people often confuse triggers with signs. For example, if I start to notice colours, as in, that's a nice colour you painted this room, I had better head for the seroquel because I am starting a rapid rise to mania(normally I could live in a black hole and not notice).

If I notice that a lot of people are wrong in their opinions, (more than normal ) then my elavator is probably headed up.

If I really start to worry about things way beyond my control, will my cppd be cut off, will my sons make out ok in life ( there 25 and 27) and I mean really worry. It's a sign that my depression is coming back.

In a nutshelll, when we recognize our triggers, we can help avoid our mood swings. When we recognize our signs, we can take corrective action earlier. Whether this be a trip to the doc, an increase in certain meds or some form of behavioural modification( quit drinking coffee and go to bed). Take Care. paul m

[gtchamp]

Lifestyle Change

Hi everyone. Wow, all the info on triggers is so helpful. Thanks Leila63 about the muffins. My family enjoyed them too. Wish I could send one your way. I have another question for anyone out there. When I was first diagonosed I had to make a "lifesyle" change. At that point in time I was a full time working mother of two as a computer programmer. Very stressful. Sometimes working with a beeper all night and if it went off then it was my job to get up and get the computers running so the programs would finish on time for the staff in the morning. Well, I guess, the stress eventually got to me. That was back in 2003. I have been a stay at home mom since then. This time, I have been told that I also have to make another "lifestyle" change. I guess I have been taking on too much AGAIN. I was only doing a little daycare after school and had some children come to my house for a hot lunch but they claim...too much when you add this with a regular life. I am so frustratrated. How come my body breaks with sooo little? I don't understand? I try to have a calm and peaceful life. Any ideas?

[Woody]

The only way that I can understand it for myself is that I have abused my body for so long that now it just cannot take the abuse anymore.