Am I getting better?

[Guest]

I like the pasta, meat and sauce idea but prefer spagettini and loads of parmesan on top to thicken it up! MMMMMMMM!

[Woody]

We actually have a section already. On the reason for The Sandbox was to have a place to share recipes.

[gtchamp]

Woody: I'll make sure to put my posting of any new recipes there. thanxs

Update on "Am I getting Better?" I don't know who the heck I was kidding. Since Tuesday I have been on a roller coaster ride up and down. Tears, confustion, lost, sleeping, hard to do anything.....then energy, happy tears, laughing. Up and down. Crazy! I am exhausted. I went to the pdoc today. This has actually been going on off and on since last fall with some long periods (my idea of long is a month) of sanity. Anyway, obviously that is not long to the medical world. He looked at me and said "We have known each other for a long time...I think it is time for a change." I said "Oh, I'm just hormonal" He practically laughed at me on that one. I am taking right now Epival & Topamax (to help supress appetite). Topamax has turned me completely off of food (can happen), now I find it hard to eat except my one meal a day, plus it causes alot of confusion in the brain and I have that so we are getting rid of Topamax. He wants to add Lithium. Our concern is weight gain. I was on it once before and took myself off due to weight gain BUT it did help. I'm scared right now but what other choice do I have...live like this!!! My support people I think can't handle this right now. I have alot of people right now who are depending on me and need me to be strong. I can't be breaking. My mom is going in for surgery and I will be her cargiver for about a month. My husband works long hours so the kids are my responsibility. There is no one else. Just you guys. Thanks for listening and hey....at least I had one good stretch that I can remember for a little while.

Tracey

[Woody]

Sometime you have to take those good time and hold on them to help you get threw the not so good parts.

Gawd I hate when I cannot remember complete details only bits and pieces. If you know you are going on Lithium and that it makes you put on so much weight, it might be a good idea to talk to a nutritiousness. They should be able to give you some kind of heads up as to what foods and such to eat/stay away from

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. Yeah, as unfair as it seems , sometimes we have to live like that. However we don't have to do it forever, we can strive to get better and it beats some other endings.

However never forget how hard you do work at a very difficult illness. You have a tough situation, yet you are battling all the time. That's all you can do and a lot more than what I did at times. Take Care. paul m

Hello Everyone. I am about to say something a bit conterversial but it is only my opinion and I am not trying to tell anyone what is right or wrong, just my own view on treatment for myself.

I am much overweight. I never was seriously overweight until I started taking pysch meds.I do try and battle my weight but I have trouble. It took me years to find the right meds so that I can at least be happy. Now I would rather be overweight and live to be 65 while enjoying life, than be in great shape and either kill myself at 60 or be miserable until I am 85.

I know that doesn't work for everyone, but it does for me(until I reach 65) Take Care. paul m

[uni]

Isn't it nice that even when there is nobody in our lives available to support us, we can at least come here? I do believe it to be a lifeline at times. Post away, Tracey!

Paul, thanks for sharing on the weight issue. I admire your ability to draw your own conclusions as to what you are o.k. with. It can sure be a tough call sometimes, in any aspect of life.

My boyfriend, although never in need of psych meds, has always struggled with his weight. It almost put me off dating him, but I figured God put him in front of me to take or leave as I chose, and I knew I would never forgive myself if I didn't take a chance. It has been almost 3 years now - granted, mostly weekends -and my eyes are still being opened.

I have watched him come through a lot of denial about his health, most recently regarding a diagnosis of diabetes. I'm not sure which is worse - seeing how hard it is for him to change habits of a lifetime, or seeing him have only minimal success. Or for that matter going back into denial. I tell myself it's not so different from my mental illess, but is it? Maybe I've just had more years of learning to accept. I don't know.

So he has to decide for himself what he's o.k. with, like you seem to have done Paul (at least until you're 65) In the meantime it has me concerned. A lot. I know it's his ball game and not mine, but even so... I'm open to any insightful comments...

[gtchamp]

Thanks guys once again for the support. After my last posting, I kinda went on a tyraid that night. I ended up leaving home for a few hours. Hubby ended up calling me wondering when I was coming home. That was a first. My husband said he knew I was really angry. I wasn't really angry at any one person in particular but was angry with alot of things. Anyway, I just don't want to talk about my disorder today. That's just how I feel about it right now.

So...Uni..your boyfriend brings me to a nice distraction. I do think that every condition, whether mental or physical has an acceptance period where you can go in and out of. I know when I was diagnosed with Epilepsy, I struggled with accepting it for years. Some days I was ok with the diagnosis and taking the drugs, other times, I could swear they were wrong. All the test were negative. There was no proof. So, I flushed my meds only to be reminded that yes, I was. I hated my reminders. You see, I only had them every few years so just when I was getting comfortable with life BAM, I would be hit. Kinda hard in University when you want to drink and party.

Accepting bipolar took a while too but not as long but I still have my moments. Wishful thinking I guess. I think you have to let him find his own way but be there to listen, hold his hand and catch him if he falls. That is all I ever wanted from my mom and husband.

Good luck to the both of you. And bless you for looking past the exterior to the inside. Wish more people were like you!
Tracey

PS: Paul..I think you have given me something to think about in regards to meds and weight gain. I know my husband feels the same as you. In my heart I think I do too but today.....I'm just not there.

[leila63]

Hi Tracey

I'm a little scatter brained today but I just want to wish you well getting through this rough interval. I have been on Lithium for a while and I've heard of many others having success with it so I hope it works well for you.

Take some time for yourself and do the things that provide you happiness.

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. Sometimes it good to vent and sometimes its good to let others know how you really feel(as in really frustrated). My wife is a pretty rationale person, but every once in a while I have to turn up the volume so she can hear what I'm really saying.

You said that you had flushed your pills because there was no proof. Gosh knows I've done that a time or two. Never did me any good either

I hope tommorow goes better for you. Take Care. paul m

[gtchamp]

Paul..I have to agree, it felt really good to let my frustrations out finally. I have never really let them go in front of anyone. I usually just let them bury inside. Good thing though, I was able to leave before the kids realized how angry I really was. I went to my mom's and vented. She always has a good ear.

Leila..Thanks for the vote of confidence on Lithium. I think where I am really confused is the fact that he is't going to take me off my Epival, just add Lithium on. I don't see why I have to stay on Epival. Maybe a low dose for my epilepsy but right now I am on a very high dose. If it isn't working then take me off...put me on the Lithium but don't add another. I mean, maybe the Lithium alone would work. That is my thought process but it is not theirs. Time will tell. I see him in two weeks for a decision.

PS. Going to venture out to a support group this week. After the success I have had here, I am ready to go in person. I hope it goes well.

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. Lithium may work alone. Lithium is regarded as a good overall mood stablizer. But not a perfect one. Many people take lithium and something else.

Myself I take lithium and tegretol (carbamazepine, an anticonvulsant/mood stabilizer). I have trouble with re-occurring mania that slips past the control of just lithium and the tegretol helps a lot. But just taking tegretol without the lithium barely works at all for me. So its sort of like 1 drug plus 1 drug = 3.

Some lucky people get to take three mood stabilizers(just the thought makes me want to puke). However it can be difficult sometimes to get three mood stabilzers that won't react with each other or with you.

I can only guess that is part of the reason for putting you on lithium and epival. But by all means ask your doc if you can take only one and possible just a maintance dose of the other.

I hope you make it out to a support group meeting and then enjoy yourself. Take Care. paul m

[Woody]

I would check with your pharmacist GT Champ. Epival has two purposes and you might be able to take both without interaction or adverse effects. But check to make sure.

Good luck with the group

[gtchamp]

Hi Woody, I will check with my pharmacist. I used that drug website that someone suggested before and it said that Epival and Lithium had some side effects when used together. Of course, not with everyone.

Today I had a good day. All I can say is that after that little cycle of 4 days where I was rapid cycling many times in a day, I was exhausted! I certainly hope it doesn't start up again. Of course, because I have had 2, yes, count em 2 (just OK) days, I am all of a sudden thrown back into life where the expectations can sometimes get to you. I guess we all know what that is like. Or maybe I am just being a baby.

Anyway, I was able to try a new recipe today (Spanikopitas). They turned out to be pretty good so that was my high light.

[leila63]

Hi Tracey,

No you're not being a baby. It's not uncommon to feel messed up when you're going thru med changes. I'm in the same boat and it is frustrating but you have to give the meds a chance.

About the Epival, I don't know why pdocs's do add ons but they do. Maybe they want you to be stable on Lithium before they take out the Epival. Or it could be that as Paul said he/she might think it is a good combo. I would suggest doing some internet searches or perhaps someone can suggest a good site.

Glad you had a couple of good days and just what is that dinner you cooked?

[Woody]

I guess it depends how you chart your OK days. For me an OK day is a zero. Not good. Not bad. Zip. There a break from the bad days, but not good enough to make up for the bad days. I need some good days to make up for the bad days. But anything other than a bad day is a welcomed day

I do not have the family pressures like you do but one thing that I use to do is when I would start to recover from some bad stretches was to try and make up for all the lost time and catch up on everything. Then it was a rush to get everything done and I would burn myself out again. I am getting better at this in some ways, but in some aspects I still have to fight off the super Woody that is on top of everything. Its hard to pace yourself when your use to racing through life...

I had to Google "Spanikopitas" I think I tried something similar at one of the food festivals in the park down town. I was good