Sleeping Meds

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. How are you making out? Just wondering. Take Care. paul m

[gtchamp]

Hi. I have been here reading messages and such but just not posting. Didn't think I had much to add to the discussion but I have been learning lots. As for how I have been doing, well, I think I am doing ok. The infections are gone and I have one day left of antibiotics. Got a clean bill of health yesterday so that was good news.

The pdoc wanted to start me on Lithium but I really ...kinda instisted..that we give my idea (and my support people, husband and mother) a try. That idea is where I am trying the pill to see if it helps my moods. Supposedly, when I was younger this made a big difference. I have also learned in my support group that this is also the case with another person. He is giving me 3 months. However, he really wants me to look at the big picture. He says that the reason for Lithium is because I have yet to have any long time with stability and it appears to him that I just seem to look at the near past and present. I told him I would think about it. I was trying to go off my sleeping meds as everyone knows. I told him this, he doesn't think this is the time for me to go off of the med due to some stressors in my life right now. I know I keep talking about them and havn't said anything but what they really are is that my family is in family thearpy right now and both my parents are going in for pretty serious surgery this month. I don't think I am stressed but I never do. As a result, pdoc said cut sleeping pill in half but stay on it for now. I was shocked...he has NEVER told me to stay on sleeping pill before so that was new. Thanks Karen for the info on Trazadone, very interesting. I can't, however, take any anti-depressants. Makes me have too good a time if you get my drift.

The support group is good. I am having fun but I find I am more honest here. Probably because you can't put a face to my words. They see me and hear that I am CPP and have the Disability Tax Credit and wonder how that is possible since I look so good and function so well. What they don't know is that there are days (even since January) where I find it hard to even shower. I don't remember the last time I vaccumed certain parts of my house or cleaned my bathrooms. I'm not a dirty person but there are just other things, like feeding my kids and making sure they get their basic needs met that are more important. I don't know. Sometimes, I used to think it was lazyness but I realize now I just can't move that fast and think that fast. Anyway....I'm getting off topic.

Emotionally, I am doing pretty good. I still have some moments where I get tearful but I can cover it up pretty good. I seem to do the best when my husband or mother are around. I guess the support of them really helps.

So that's it. Thanks for asking.
Tracey

[Woody]

Good to hear from you Tracey

I am in the middle of an ... 'discussion' with revenue Canada Regarding my eligibility for the credit. My impression thus far is that they do not seem to be all playing with the same rule book as to the definition of 'markedly restricted'. Well at lest they are not very consistent.

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. Thx for replying. My feeling on whether or not somebody contributes is a bit clouded by my own feelings. For me when I am really low I can really isolate. To have even 2-3 people reply to a post with even a simple 1 line caring message is more than I might recieve otherwise in a mth from those I know.

So I think just about everybody who sez " I hope you feel better soon " or something similiar, is a very large contributor. Perhaps even the largest contributor of all, because people who care about our illness are in short supply.

So sometimes, short messages can really count to someone who is locked in a dark spot by their illness. You often add a short message about someone and that's an important contribution. You also contribute many other things. Please do not feel that you do not contribute. Take Care. paul m

[uni]

Hi Tracey. About it being easier to be more honest here than face-to-face with others, I can relate. I can appear so "together" at times, yet be lucky to even clean my specs some days. People do tend to see only half the picture.
And I do have trouble telling laziness from, as you say, "I just can't move that fast and think that fast".

I hope things go o.k. with your medications, and also with your parents. I can understand your doctor seeing the stress factor in all of that.

BTW about the housekeeping; I do not have any dust bunnies in my home. Instead I have dust kangaroos .

[paul m]

Hello Ladies. I'd just like to pop in with a house keeping tip. If someone sez they are coming over in 5 min don't panic.

First, put all of the dirty dishes in the oven, then spray an entire bottle of air freshner around. It will make their eyes run and they won't see the dirt, excess dirty laundry can be thrown into a bedroom. . Take Care. paul m

Hello Tracey. I failed to mention your parents, I'm glad Uni brought it up. I hope that they and you will make it through that stressfull time. Take Care. paul m

[leila63]

Hi Tracey,

You've contributed to me recently on my situation with my stepsister. I was really touched by your concern when I knew you were going through a rough time yourself.

Very brave to do the face to face support group. I think it gets easier after awhile.

Hope the surgeries for you parents go well and as far as the house goes, if there is only so much energy in the tank then priorities get done and the rest has to go by the wayside for a while.. I like to think that if the dust bunnys continue to accumulate, that I am being doubly efficient snagging them when I do it later.

[Atlantis]

They see me and hear that I am CPP and have the Disability Tax Credit and wonder how that is possible since I look so good and function so well.

I also surprise some people when i tell them I have a mood disorder. My family and very close friends know about my extreme mood swings but other good friends can hardly believe it when I tell them.

One time a good friend/co-worker said "I can't belive you have bipolar, you get along with everybody and are never moody"
That one always makes me laugh, me not moody is like saying the sky isn't blue

Well I may not always be moody at work where I am always pretending to be someone I'm not but if I am really sick and I can't pretend anymore I get a doctors note and go on sick leave.

Then when I go back to work the pretending starts all over again.


My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this very difficult time.
Please keep us informed on how your Mom and Dad are doing.

Take Care,
Karen

p.s. Sometimes I do not feel stress until it builds up so much and the stress comes out all at once. Not a good thing for me!

[gtchamp]

hi everyone. boy, good thing I posted. You are all so supportive and I needed that. Glad I opened up. Dad goes in today for surgery and mom for pre-op but that is not why I am tearful this morning. They are not making me overwhelmed and stressful. Hubby wants me to finish taxes and children are asking for hair appointments to be scheduled as well as other things needing to be done. Those are the things stressing me. I am tired this morning too. Haven't been eating well and haven't been telling anyone. They just see me eat a good dinner but don't see me NOT eat all day. I'm just not hungry. Not sure if it is a side effect of topamax (which it could be) or perhaps a bit of depression. The thought of food somtimes just nausates me and the lack of it, I'm sure does not help with my energy levels. I'm not going to group tonight. Probably going to be hiding in my bed. It is one of those days.
Tracey

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. Some days are just plain tough. Unfortunately those around us do not always see the problem. I know that some days I also have trouble making appts etc. It always seems to me that my worst moments occur when I have a ton of things to do and then I feel gulty because I didn't do some simple things.

Hand in there, it will get better again. I hope your parents make out ok.Take Care. paul m

Hello Karen. I agree with what you said and could not have put it better, so I'll be quiet. (maybe) Take Care. paul m

[uni]

Hi Karen. I know exactly what you mean about the pretending. Maybe it's a necessary evil.

Hi Tracey. It seems that a lot of little stresses add up to a great big pile sometimes. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Re: the topamax, I was on it for quite a while a number of years ago and found it to be a definite appetite suppressant. Can't say I minded that part.

[Woody]

We all war masks from time to time. Thats what I call them anyways.

[AJ]

'Well I may not always be moody at work where I am always pretending to be someone I'm not but if I am really sick and I can't pretend anymore I get a doctors note and go on sick leave.
Then when I go back to work the pretending starts all over again.'
Boy does that ring true for me Karen.

Tracey I honestly don't know how you do it, and you are. You are a brave courageous person, with a tremendous amount on your plate.

Maybe eating something light would be easier than a full meal. Don't let yourself get dehydrated. This is especially important because of the way Topamax is processed by the body. Topamax can certainly reduce appetite, but with all you are dealing with, a loss of appetite, and as you say so can all that stress.

An evening in bed might be just what you need. The tax man, the Appts. to be made, all of the rest of it, can wait, even just for one day.

[Atlantis]

I haven't been doing a good job of "pretending" this week at work.

I have been cranky, on edge, forcing smiles and polite conversation, boy I am soooo glad tomorrow is Friday.

[gtchamp]

Hi guys. Well, it certainly makes one feel somewhat normal to hear that others pretend too. I appreciate all your support and understanding.

Atlantis: I hope you days get better and maybe the weekend can bring you some rest.

AJ: Thank you for your suggestions. In particular, I appreciate the advice around the eating and Topamax.

I finally broke today. I knew it was coming. I had made a doctors appointment as I knew it was time to finally admit the truth to the doctor about what was going on since my life, medically, has been topsy turvy since January (really bad) but it actually started in the Fall. Oh, I was breaking down alot but in my own private times and then cleaning up when the kids came in the room or someone else. You know the drill. Deep breaths weren't cutting it anymore. I let it all out. Told her everything. It was very painful to admit some of the things that I admitted but I have learned from here that I needed to do it. She was surprised but extremely supportive. I told her that I was supposed to have a case worker for me. That my pdoc assigned one and he tried twice to get her to see me and I called once. He also left a note for her telling her that this month was particularly important to keep an eye on me but she was yet to call. I told the doc, I don't want someone calling me who is half hearted into helping me. If she hasn't called by now, then she doesn't have the time. She understood but was still going to let the pdoc know what happened. I was told to go off the birth control pill since I started that in January and I have really been struggling since then. Don't know if it is coincidence or not. Only time will tell. Meds were also increased. However, I think I need good ol' fashion R&R. But that is hard when you live in a young house hold.

As for my parents..my dad's surgery was successful so far but he has to pass certain stages to know if it is a true success. He is still in the hospital and we are all hoping for the best. My mom, is prepped and ready for her surgery next Thursday.

As for family therapy...my youngest has only been once with the family and she says it isn't doing anything. She is 8. She still says she doesn't like me. That I am boring and all that wonderful stuff that makes you feel good. ha ha. Oh well. She just doesn't understand.

Well, I'll sign off. I've written a novel and didn't mean to. I'm tired now but cried out.
Take care
Tracey