Sleeping Meds

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. Sometimes little sleep is the only tip we have that things are a bit too good(start of mania). Hopefully this will only be a small glitch and easy to fix. Take Care. paul m

[AJ]

Hope you have a good restful sleep tonight Tracey. Keep us posted.

[A.E.V.]

how are you doing today Tracey?

[gtchamp]

hello all. I wish I had the energy to write in other forums but I think I only have enough to write here. I slept most of yesterday due to some meds that they (counsellors) had told me to take. I was totally out of it. Had a hard time speaking, was even scaring the children. I did not take that much last night, however, I am still very very tired. I meet with a case worker today. My mom is now home but I fear her depression has set in hard and my step dad is not dealing with that well so I am "counselling" that. My biological dad is supposedly doing better although they are diong another scan with him on Friday and due to the fight between my brother and I (which I still don't understand), noone is contacting me so...my husband is taking care of that. I am having a really really hard time eating and yet, I am really hungry. Don't know what to do about that. I could go on, but my eyes are closing and I am losing my train of thought. Talk to you later.
Me.

[AJ]

I hope you get some much needed sleep.

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. I do hope you get that sleep. You may have to cut down trying to help everybody. It's nice that you are trying, but sometimes even someone without an illness can get dragged down by aging parents. Take Care. paul m

[uni]

Pleasant dreams, Tracy, and a better tomorrow.

[gtchamp]

Thanks for all concern. I am scared this time around with my diagnosed depression. Different things are happening to my body that I don't understand. Main concern is not eating. Hubby is VERY unhappy. He is calling at all meal times and telling what there is to eat. I have backed off on help. People in family finally know I am not doing well. I am embarrassed about that. I was supposed to be there for them. I have been sleeping the days and nights away. Wish I could write more but I am falling over (asleep) as I write. Take care.
PS. Kids were scared a bit when I was acting like a drunk person. Could not talk or walk. I was told this was a sign of depression (and exhaustion, I think). Thankfully, that has disappeared for now.

[A.E.V.]

hi Tracey,

I hope you feel better soon!

keep strong,

Anne.

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. Your a great , kind and caring person and that's wonderfull.

YOU also have a serious and chronic illness. YOU do not have to be there for anybody. End of storey. Now it's great that you do what you can, but in no way should you feel guilty and certainly not embarassed.

If you had MS, Parkinson, cancer nobody would expect anything out of you. But you don't, you have an illness that people don't understand, but that's not your fault. Take Care. paul m

[gtchamp]

Ah Paul, my voice of reason. I almost cry reading your post as I know how true it is. I guess with experience comes wisdom and I do hope that comes soon. I am realizing that perhaps I have not accepted things (i.e. my disorder) as well as I thought. It really has upset me that I don't feel I was there for my family to the capacity that I feel I should have been. I think I am realizing the limitations of my disorder and it is extremely upsetting me. Is it just me or do others get so frustrated that mentally they feel with it but yet....physically their body do all these weird and wacky things. That is how my bipolar feels sometimes and I find it extremely hard to live in this body.

I believe I may be on an upswing...yet again. It is now 2:45am and I am wide awake. I didn't go to bed until 11:00. Hubby is away with my oldest this weekend. My youngest said I was scaring her last night with my yelling during a movie but I was just scared during some pionts. And it wasn't a big scary movie just "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs". I don't know if she is sensitive or if I really am scary! Improvement was made with her though. She told me yesterday that I was an awesome mom. I cried. She hugged me and said it over and over. She's a funny little thing.

My mom is improving wonderfully well. My dad.....very slow improvement. There is definately a leak with him and they are hoping it heals by itself but this means, tubes in the side to drain the fluid and ...well, just some not so nice, yucky stuff. They also don't know when he will get out. We only have one car right now so I can't get down there to see him. Maybe after March Break.

Thanks for listening to me babble on. Wonder if I was saying all this fast or not. I'm guessing not since they told me that I am rapid cycling but my highs are controlled by the drugs. On the other hand....I could still be depressed because that also means little sleep. Oh...who knows....I'm so confused, I can't figure anything out!!!

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. The main thing is your still fighting and struggling. Hopefully some day it will work for you. Take Care. paul m

[gtchamp]

Had a good day today filled good energy. I don't know what the weather was like where you live but here it was sunny and around 8 degrees. I have no idea on the map where I am but am just trying to go with the flow. I have decided that maybe I will keep a journal. I have always worried about that because I thought someone might find it and see their name in it and not like something I wrote but someone today suggested I use animals. I think that will work. The medical world has always told me to do this so maybe it will be a good start. I am doing it mainly so I can show my youngest that I do do things in a day and don't sleep all day long.

I am hoping I can make it out to group tomorrow night. I think it would be good for me. I don't feel as tearful so I think I can keep it together long enough to be there. But we just take one step at a time.

My parents are the same. I helped mom out today. No biggy.

Take care
Tracey

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. I live in central Ontario(well not so central, but everybody forgets we have a huge north) just above Barrie and our weather has been great.

Went out ice fishing yesterday and it was pretty nice on the lake. I too will be going to group on Tuesday.

In regards to Journals, somebody told me that you can find places to keep on line journals that are password protected. I do not know where to find them though. Take Care. paul m

[gtchamp]

hmm, thanks Paul in regards to the info about the journals. I may look into that.

I awoke at 4:00am today. I think the cycling is just continuing and I have developed a new symtom....restless legs. I only had it once before as a side effect to a med but this time, there have been no med changes so here I am awake and frustrated.

Lastly, my youngest is talking of dying. She is 8. My oldest went through this too but my youngest seems stronger. I need guidance. I worry about her as she thinks that the world would be better without her in it. I told her, I would miss her dearly and so would her dad and others. She said that is what keeps her around. Breaks my heart. Last time, I was told it was hormones cause for girls it starts around 9 and my youngest is turning 9. I see the doctor and family therapists this week so we will see what they say.

And I thought things were slowing down!!