New Lifestyle change

[paul m]

Hello Saweet. I spent a lot of time trying to gain acceptance from my siblings and pretty much all I got was garbage. So now I've accepted that and things are easier for me. Not easy, just easier. They still get to me on occasion.

I can't tell you what to do, but a person only has so much energy to direct at his/hers problems. Sometimes we have to make tough choices. Mine was to eliminate most of the contact with my siblings, it helped me. I'm not preaching as each person's situation is different and difficult.

I wish you luck and strength through the weekend as I know it will be tough. Take Care. paul m

[saweeet]

Trust me there are some days that i don't want anything to do with her, because of the way she makes me feel.

But my mother would never allow it. And because my dad has so much health issues, it would put to much stress on him. And i feel i've caused enough stress in his life, i won't add to it, if i can help it.

I went over to my bf's last night, cause my stress level was so high, i was afraid of what i may do. So him and i worked out a plan if i feel the need to go out and gamble. Because it was almost like she was pushing me to do it. She stated, i was just using her as an excuse to go blow my pay cheque. And when i replied simply that i had the impulse to do so, but i didn't want to, she finally stopped and left me alone. i'm not saying i'm innocent in any of it. When we fight, we are mean, and we say very bad things to each other. We both feed off the other. And i should have just ignored her, but she's able to push button's no one else can.

I did however smoke weed last night, and as much as i don't want to use that as a excuse to help me through last night it did.
Between my bf trying to cheer me up and that, my mood went back to normal and i was able to trust myself enough to go home and sleep.

I did learn, that i have a small amount of control if i catch it in the right time frame. which is good, i know what some of my triggers are.

[uni]

Hello Saweeet. I can relate to stress and handling it in less than healthy ways. I can also relate to siblings pushing buttons and me pushing back almost as instinct. But it takes two to make a fight, and if I refuse to, then who does the other person fight with? Although they may certainly fume and get angry, etc. Sometimes I don't hold back either, but we're all human right?

I hate it when someone is angry with me, it pushes all my insecurity buttons, but to carry on fighting sucks worse. No easy answers, as Paul has mentioned. But the interesting thing is that once I change a behaviour and others get used to it, there's a ripple effect and usually things settle somewhat and we carry on. Usually.

One of the things I like about coming here is the lack of pressure or judgement. It's an oasis for me. Hopefully it can be one for you too.

[paul m]

Hello Saweet. Believe me I'm not judging you. When I tell someone what worked for me, I try and make it clear that's who it worked for, just me. Not always with full success either.(both the clear part and the sucess )

My wife comes from a family where one of them could be an axe murderer and by christmas all would be forgotten an it would be kissing under the mistletoe as usual. My family on the other hand likes to play word association games behind everyones back, you know, bipolar=bad, depressed=lazy , or just outright try and make be look bad. I need no help in that regard.

So my wife tends to overlook a lot of things (my sins included) and sometimes put a lot of pressure on me to mingle where I would rather not mingle.

Hopefully you will continue your struggles one day at a time and continue to work out solutions. Take Care. paul m

[saweeet]

i didn't think you were judging me. I was just expressing myself. And my frustration with the situation at hand.

I think it was easier when we both didn't live in the same town. Actually it was easier when i didn't live so close to everyone. But i seem to do worse when i'm far away. call it boredom......

[paul m]

Hello Saweet. I can understand the frustration and the problems with living close. It must be tough some days(a lot of days). Take Care. paul m

[saweeet]

Its no so much all of them. Just my sister. Cause she likes to act like the parent. Ya things have been messed up for a lot of years. But i am older, and i don't need another disapproving mom.

My mom's not so bad, she just likes to know where and what i'm doing most of the time. But i know living in town, makes it easier on her and my dad. Cause they can see if things are starting to get out of control.

[paul m]

Hello Saweet. With the weekend ending, how are you making out? Take Care. paul m p.s. How's your dog?

[saweeet]

Weekend went as good as it could. Medication really helped mellow my mood. I did break down and gamble, but it was 50.00 and really considering what it could have been i'm happy. Its a start.
And i broke down and smoke pot. But tomorrow is monday. And it will be magical, cause i can't allow things like this to stop me from my goals.

To much stress though caused me not to focus very good. So now i'm up late, doing paper work for my job cause i promised it to be done by Monday, and if i would have been able to focus, i probably could have gotten another 30 protocols done, but ill stick with what i said. i should be doing my assignment for school too, cause thats due on Wednesday but i like a little pressure, ill probably do it like Tuesday night.... or maybe wednesday morning.

i think my biggest issue, is i got way to much going, but when i get a day off and blow it by sleeping or doing nothing i feel guilty. So i work my butt off, and take classes to get my diploma, and other community activities.

My dog is good, his name is Zeus. He's happy today, i got my mom to bring him back to town for me, cause even though i'm busy working all week, and school, and bowling, lol, the houses ill be at for work, i can bring him with me. Which is awesome i missed him. He was pouting a bit, when i left him with my roommate though, it cause he's a big mama's boy, to bad he doesn't listen like one. To hyper.....but he's still young.

[paul m]

Hello Saweet. I'm glad that your happy with satisfied with you progress. To often we judge ourselves so harshly that we set ourselves up for failure.(or at least I do).

It took me a very long time time to realize my own limits and even longer to change them as I changed. So I can appreciate how you can end up trying to do homework and job work and relax and fight an illness all at that the same time.

The changing part was the toughest, trying to realize that some weeks I could get a lot done and some days nothing at all. I still don't have it all done pat, but at least I can forgive myself (most times) when I have an off day or five.

I'm glad Zeus is happy, I would imagine Zeus makes you happier too. Having my dog around all of the time certainly helps me. My beagle is 5 and still a bit hyper but not too bad, unless she's left alone a couple times in a row.

Keep working a everything, eventually it will all come together. Take Care. paul m

[saweeet]

i feel like i'm working to much, and i'm getting burnt out. But i've found the best way to stay on track is keeping myself completely busy. But i'm finding the older i get, the less i can bounce back.

So this is why i need to change my ways, and be able to accept things for what they are, and there is nothing i can do to change the situation (bipolar)

i'm starting to get face spasms, and its kinda worrying, anyone know if that's a side effects of some medication. I think i may need to see a doc, but i can't get into walk in till wednesday or friday, and booking an appointment takes 3 weeks minimal.

[Sweetest1]

Face spasms can be side effects of AAP's (Atypical Anti-Psychotics) so like seroquel, risperidone, abilify, geodon, just to name a few. I don't know what you're taking so...

You can try to Google Tardive dyskinesia and see if that fits what you're experiencing.

Rebecca

[AJ]

I'm starting to get face spasms, and its kinda worrying, anyone know if that's a side effects of some medication. I think i may need to see a doc, but i can't get into walk in till Wednesday or Friday, and booking an appointment takes 3 weeks minimal.

Yes it can be a side effect of meds (tardive dyskinesia), among other things. Most likely cause is the antipsychotic. I would recommend that you don't wait three weeks. Call your P.docs office, tell them what's going on, and insist that the doc calls you if you can't be seen any sooner.

[Atlantis]

Hi Saweet,
I know what you mean by keeping your self on track by keeping busy. I have to stick to a routine and stay focused and busy to keep myself "on track" but this can leave me feeling burnt out at times too.

I still belive a routine is important but maybe we are pushing ourselves to hard, making our routines to frigid and complex, we have to be a little "softer and kinder" with ourselves.

I hope you are feeling better soon.

[paul m]

Hello Saweet. I do agree that it is probably Tardive Dyskenisa(TD) as a result of AAP, but not 100%. CAMH (Center for Addiction and Mental Health) reccomends talking with your doc asap, however they also advise not quitting taking your meds in the short run.

They advise most often TD is a result of long term use of AAPs and sometimes just a small cut in dosage will change the side effects. There are other meds that may conteract the effects of TD. TD is a complex field and only a good doc can tell you much about it. Unless the doc at the walk in clinic is skilled in this particular problem, I would be cautious.

It's all to easy for an doc to say, well quit taking the meds, without providing the backup needed for the problem the meds were fixing.Take Care. paul m