rough day

[VillaStraylight]

New Normal doesn't have a mayor. We left all those burdensome bureaucratic behaviours behind in Old Normal. A moderator suits us just fine.

[paul m]

Hello Robbietwin and welcome. Feel free to ask questions, answer other peoples or to just vent. No mayors here, but sometimes the moderators do have to earn the exhorbitant salaries I hear that they get. Take Care. paul m

[AJ]

Want some of my play money Paul?

[Woody]

LOL ... ah yes the fat cat salaries we get ... Tender Vittles

[paul m]

Hello AJ and Woody. Thx for your replies. I have anxiety issues and after I wrote the post, I thought "what if they don't find it funny?"

AJ, my wife doesn't even let me have play money, when manic I used to have some pretty good schemes going, I would probably try and sell play money as NWT dollars to the tourists. Take Care. paul m

Woody, tender vitals, that is a good one. Take Care. paul m

[AJ]

ROFL! And then some.

[Woody]

GOOD ... I was trying to pull attention away from the stretch limo to bring us to Timmie's for Coffee and Lear-jet at the ready 24 hrs a day to get pizza

[paul m]

Hi Woody. . It's always good to enjoy a laugh and once again you made me laugh. Take Care. paul m

[leila63]

You still around Froggie? Missing you.

[paul m]

Hello Leila 63. I agree, I miss froggie as well. Good looking avatar . Take Care. paul m

[Woody]

It's always nice to be able to put a face to a name
If your ears are burning Froggie... hope all is well!

[A.E.V.]

as I sit here dazed and confused, one thought keeps coming back...

even if I was an emotional mess, in a strange way I miss how things were before the meds and the sick leave and all the bs. I had lost tons of weight, had times when hypomanic where I thought I could take over the world. and I tried to at times!
but now, all that is gone.
now I spend more time depressed (as I'm sure you can tell by the tone of this), or just not giving a rats a** about what's going on inside or around me. I exist. I eat, I sleep, I go through my day, I cry... that's my life.

Paul, you keep saying things can and will get better... I can't wait to see it.

Anne.

[paul m]

Hello Anne. I never said it would be quick and you will notice that I cleverly never say how long it took me to get better.

It is the pits the state your in right now and your going through an extremely difficult time. I can remember saying why don't I just go back to my old self, I couldn't possible be more unhappy than this. In fact my most suicidal times occured while I was trying to get better. It was a very trying time for me and will be for you. But getting better will be worth it.

Bipolar is a tricky illness, it sneaks up on us, it changes, and we end up with very little support both medically and personally. But unlike some illnesses we are given an opportunity to fight it.

I wish I had never had this illness, but I do enjoy my life more than now I ever thought possible. The illness is still a challange, but I've learned and adapted and you will too. Keep Fighting. Take Care. paul m

[leila63]

Hi Anne

I know what you mean about missing the hypomanic. When I think of all I could do in that state it seems incomprehensible to me now. Being stable can feel a bit like feeling flat.

My recent change to Lamactil seems to be helping with that though I can't help but wonder if it is going to 'stick'. I asked my doctor about that and he said the things I can do to ensure that are exercise, omega 3 and using my light.

About missing pre meds, all I can say is that, although I miss the highs, my suicidal thoughts when I was depressed just couldn't be allowed to continue. For me being on my meds is the only alternative because otherwise I wouldn't be around.

[Woody]

I walked around like the world was my oyster!

Its hard when your mind betrays us like it did. This might sound insensitive, but some people never knew better and they will never but for us, this is one damn big of a pill to swallow every morning when you get up. I think I mention this before. Life like being stuck in a bad version of the movie Groundhog day. Day after day trying to escape Poxsatony(¿) and every day starting over right from scratch. It really wares you down. I do not know if pdoc really understand this. We are just 15~20 min before or after lunch and then we are gone for another two weeks. Sorry, not very encouraging. But until we find some kind of solution that is what life is. And your right, when you are in that space ... in that time warp ... that last thing you see are glimmers of hope. But they are there. Some of us are examples of this. You had some good days and you will have good days again... you have to trust me on this ... just keep breathing ... one breath at a time