Sleeping Meds

[Atlantis]

We have found at home, that the illness effects every aspect of a families life. For my husband, he has his own business and he openned up and said it was hard to work when all he did was worry about me all day. My kids, suffer at school cause they don't know how things will be at home. As for me...well, I am starting to take on alot of guilt for causing all of this but I know where I can go to get help for that.

This is exactly how I feel Tracey

I am trying to deal with these issues, gradually, like many of us, and have found this thread and many others to be very helpful.
Thanks Everyone.

I'll keep trying be open with my husband and daughter and remind myself that I would never hurt the ones I love when i am well and stable and I'll have to somehow come to terms with the reality that I am going to have several more serious episodes in my life, where I am going to hurt the ones I love.

[uni]

Glad to have you back Tracey, and I look forward to hearing how things go this week.

[gtchamp]

Hello. I have found out so much stuff this week. Very interesting so like usual, here I am sharing. First of all, March Break went well with my youngest but when school started her temper started to flare again. So, this time I made an appointment with the principle of the school. I knew the principle from previous volunteer work. So, I asked her if she had ever worked with students who come from a home where their parent is ill. She said yes and told me lots of things. I think the main thing that stuck to me was that most children (in todays society) worry about their parents separating and in a family where someone is ill, that worry is even stronger. This came out in counselling as well. My girls were worried their dad will get tired of taking care of me and will leave. Then what will happen. Who will take care of mom. My oldest wondered if dad died, is it then her responsibility to take care of me. We had to have a huge family discussion around that. Secondly, the principle suggested that perhaps my one child doesn't know what she is coming home to so maybe I might want to make a schedule of what she is to do when she gets home. This will give her independence and control of the situation. I tried this and my daughter has used it the last couple of days and is doing much better. She loves this.

I know we still have alot of work to do but it is nice to see everyone coming together. I am curious to see what my husband will get from his counsellor for the caregiver. I really want to come up with a plan for when I get ill. My doctor said that my husband will be getting those kinds of resources and I will get those from my crisis worker. We won't have them forever so use them while we have them.

Atlantis, I just want to add a personal note...I have heard some very hard things in family counselling and at home. Sometimes it is like I do all this work but my one child just doesn't see it, she only sees what her dad does. It hurts. Today I cried a bit. However, I see it helping alot and making big changes for them so it is worth it.

Also..just in case anyone needs to know. If you can't afford counselling, you can get geared to income counselling (at least where I live...Ontario).

Take care
Tracey

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. Kids do worry about things they cannot fully understand. Minor issues to us are often major ones to them. Part of this is because kids talk to other kids and often accept another kids judgement without realizing the situation is not the same. Sort of like the way we talked about *** with other kids when we were 12/13, none of knew what we were talking about, but at least one kid claimed he did. In reality he didn't either, didn't stop me from believing some pretty inaccurate stuff.

Hopefully counselling will help your husband work through his issues. Take Care. paul m

[AJ]

Thank you for the update Tracey. Sounds like things are heading in the right direction, and you and your family have made some positive progress.

[uni]

Hello Tracey. It's very enlightening to read what you've had to say about families being affected by illness, and I have learned from it. How great that you and your family are getting counselling that really seems to make a difference.

Reading your words helps me understand certain other people in my life a little better, particularly my boyfriend and his 3 grown children. It's not my place to get involved with their issues, however what you've said gives me some insight into where they've come from and where they're at, so it will help me relate to them better. I don't know them too well at this point but so far, so good.

And you know the weird thing? According to my b/f his ex was mentally ill but he doesn't seem to know much about it, even having lived with her for 20 years. This disturbs me. I guess with time I will learn more, and hopefully so will he. He's getting a course in Uni 101 at the moment with the slump I'm currently in. But I'm extremely open with him. I think he and I both deserve that. My illness has helped to kill previous relationships so I never get my hopes up.

Gee, I didn't mean to veer off on all this. Anyway, I'm glad for you. And regarding counselling, if anyone from Saskatchewn is reading this, we are lucky to have psychological counselling paid for entirely by our provincial health care. (I guess there is a reason we pay taxes)

[gtchamp]

Hi guys. Sorry I have been away. I haven't been doing very well. I am glad that this information is helping you Uni. I am hoping that maybe I can get some help with this posting. I have to come to grips with the acceptance right now I am not stable. I have never had a problem with personal hygene and now I have to think about it every day. The eating is also a huge issue. Sometimes, I go all day and just don't eat until dinner AND I'm not hungry. I sleep alot too. The weird thing is that when my immediate family is around I seem to do better. I am bewildered by this. My worker said I am depressed yet I don't feel sad but sometimes I do feel tearful. I am very confused. I also can't think clearly and people can confuse me very fast. I am embarrased and upset by the state that I am in. My worker asked why it is bothering me and it is because I feel as though I have gotten worse then where I was and I don't understand why. What did I do? I don't really talk much about it because as long as I don't talk about it, I don't get upset. So...I just either sleep to hide or fake life to get by. My family (other then husband) has no idea how I am nor does anybody else(except for docs). It is very lonely. I have wanted so deperately to post on the other forums but I can't focus enough to get a straight reply together or catch up on all the posts.

Please know I am thinking of everyone.
Tracey

[uni]

Hello Tracey. I'm glad you posted, no matter which forum it's on. Sounds like you're kind of depressed right now, and posting is a positive thing to do.

I agree totally that mood disorders have a way of confusing, bewildering, and upsetting a person. It's what they do best. I'm glad you're going for counseling. How are things on the medication front? Do you have supportive people to lean on? We're here for you regardless.

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. First, don't worry about not posting on other threads. This forum is here to help people feel better, not worse about themselves. I went for years to my in-person support group primarily taking. So I know what it's like . We all understand that sometimes it's impossible to deal with our own problems and other people's problems too.

Depression can often be characterized by an all-encompassing low mood accompanied by low self-esteem, and loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities. You don't have to feel sad. In fact there is a whole list of possible symptoms and if we have 4 or 5 of those symptoms we are classed as depressed. The following is an exert from the Mood Disorders Society of Cda.

You may

be sleeping little or sleeping too much.
Have gained or lost weight.
Be highly agitated or sluggish
and inert.
Be extremely sad or very bad tempered
- or both.
You may also feel….
A loss of interest in the pleasures of
life, as well as work, family and friends.
Unable to concentrate and
make decisions.
Negative, anxious, trapped, unable
to act.
Despairing, guilty and unworthy.
Fatigue and an overall loss of energy.
Suicidal – expressing thoughts and
sometimes, making plans.
Numb – an awful feeling of emptiness.
A diagnosis of depression is arrived at when a person has been experiencing at
least five of these symptoms for a period of two weeks or more.


Why are you depressed, I don't know(helpfull aren't I) but I do know that depressive symptoms will change. Sometimes I find it hard to smile and the next time I find it hard to wash. Understanding that does make it a little easier for me to help my doc to figure out how to battle it. More importantly, when I realize I am depressed I can tell the doc about it, rather than just thinking I'm a bad person with a new ailmnet.

We know you care Tracey. Take Care. paul m

[Atlantis]

Hi Tracey,
I'm sorry to hear you are not feeling well

Although we often associate depression with eating too much food, it is also very common to lose your interest in food and like you said, go long periods without eating at all. Please be careful with this. When this happens to me, I try and eat something even few hours even though I am not hungry, even if its just something very small, i.e. piece of fruit.

When your family is around you may feel better beacuse it may give you a lift or maybe you are putting on a "mask".

Tears are not needed to feel completely empty, defeated and broken. I know this from personal experience.

Confusion and slowed thinking is a symptom of depression as well.

Don't be too hard on your self Tracey, you need love and support now while you recover and get well again. We are here for you.

[AJ]

Hang in there Tracey, you'll find your way through this.

[Woody]

Hi Tracey,

It is always difficult when you were doing good and then all of a sudden, you have a setback. There is nothing shameful in having to take a step back, regroup so that you can go forward again.

Think of it like climbing a mountain. Some days you will climb and climb. Other days, will come across patches of loose rocks and you will slide back down more then you go up. But that is OK because it does not mean you cannot climb the mountain, it just mean you need to learn more about the mountain. Eventually you will find a way around those loose rocks and you will start to climb again. It is just the process of getting better...

[gtchamp]

Thank you everyone for your input. You have all pinpointed on something. I now believe I am depressed and I know why and how I got there. Right now the doctor wants me to work on a schedule where I just concentrate on hygene, exercise and eating each day. I can't believe how much that can be on some days. I also hate to admit this but I am really trying hard not to have too many drinks. I don't drink at all usually so even having 2 glasses of red wine is enough for me and I admitted to the doctor that I am now doing this each week (2 glasses per week). This is an increase. I have to work on the psychological aspect of this illness for the first time in my life. I know where the issue is but I think it will be a very difficult road as it deals with family (extended) and there is alot of hurt there. I have done CBT before but have not really dealt with the main issue. Anyways, I thank all of you for your support and hugs, I truly appreciate them. It is nice to know that at least (and I try not to cry while saying this) somewhere in this world, there are people who truly do understand.
Tracey

[uni]

Yes Tracey, we do understand. That's why I come here too.

[A.E.V.]

sure do understand!