Sleeping Meds

[Atlantis]

It is nice to know that at least (and I try not to cry while saying this) somewhere in this world, there are people who truly do understand.

This is exactly how i feel.

Finally when i found this forum, I could talk to people who understand what i am going through, believe the intensity of the feelings that I experience and not judge me for sharing my feelings about my illness.

Thank-you Tracey for sharing your feelings with us, we all learn so much from each other

[Just Me]

Hi there
I made it back safe and sound had a lot of anxiety and listening to Tracey, I believe there is some under lying depression. I didn't sleep well at all and was really irratated about nothing. I did not show to much what was going on as put the face on and on the go a lot with family and can keep busy out of the way if I need too.
Tracey I know when it comes to the drinking I was doing that too, I'm not sure if it is part of depression but I know there are times in my life were I just like to have them. I was to the pdoc and my enzines are way up because of meds but having the drinks too, so realize I am playing with fire by drinking....I didn't care at the time but sort of scared me now and hearing the same on here helped me change my mind about the drinks.
I start my new med tonight so hope it works better than the first try with the withdrawals going on at the same time. I'm a little apprehensive, but if pdoc thinks it could be good then here I go. As hate how I feel now.
I will keep in touch closely as may need some comments if I sound off the wall. Thanks everyone

[Just Me]

Here it is going to be my third night to take Abilify ....symptoms are not wanting to eat like a gag reflex and still anxiety and tired now but crazy dreams. Man it's been almost 10 yrs since a change and now I know why nobody likes it and when I hear others on here going threw the same thing, it helps me to know I'm going to be ok... not that I want anyone to be going threw it but glad that you share.
Yesterday I could do lots, today I just barely did the basics. Still glad I'm alive and know this does get better. Thanks for listening....

[paul m]

Good Luck with it. Sometimes all we can do is try and then move on to the next med. I know that sounds easier than it is. I hate starting new meds. Take Care. paul m

[gtchamp]

Hi guys. I thought things had been improving but recently my girls had shed a light on some things. Firstly, thanks Just Me about the advice on drinking. I have read other stuff too in other threads and heard the doctors. I am happy to report that I have literally only had 1 drink since my last posting on this thread. That is pretty big since we have gone through Easter and a family birthday. I wish you (Just Me) all the best on the new drug and look forward to hearing how you are doing.

As for my girls...well, my oldest has started to worry about ALOT of things and this worrying goes on and on and on. I have to really talk it out with her to get her to come back to reality and if I don't she finds other ways to deal with it. For example, a child in her class is allergic to peanuts so when she comes home to eat, if she has peanuts, she washes her hands and brushes her teeth because she doesn't want to be the one to make him die. Can you imagine the pressure? But she takes this further....if she borrows a library book...she washes her hands too because you never know if a person with a peanut allergy might use that too. I tried to explain to her that she can't always look out for everyone else. It isn't her job but if I stop her the worrying starts. So...I have called in her old counsellor. I am waiting for the call.

The other day my youngest had another angry outburst which we ended up telling her to cool off by having a shower and maybe then come down for a cuddle. When she was in the shower we heard her crying. I went up to see her. She told me she was crying because she was an awful person. I looked at her and noticed something on her face. It was a scratch. I asked her what happened and she said she did it to herself. She can...it is her body. I was mortified. I know what this feels like. I told her that she can't do that to herself and then she told me she does it all the time. I told her that she only does it because the pain of the scratch is easier to deal with then the pain of the emotions. She has to let us help her. Of course, I will be taking this into counselling too.

Both my husband and I can't understand where we have gone wrong. We have lots of wonderful moments as a family. They are so happy at times. I don't know where this stuff comes from and I certainly don't want them "labelled" at such a young age. I know their doctor doesn't either.

I truly hope that living in this house with my disorder has not upset the apple tree for these girls. I am trying not to talk about any of my illness with them or any sickness as I am seeing that it worries them right now. Escpecially my youngest who is 9.

Any input from anyone would be greatly appreciated.
A concerned mom
Tracey

[Woody]

I do not think that you did anything wrong Tracey

You have some very difficult situations to deal with and I think you are doing the right things like working with there counsellors. I sure do not know what I would do if that happen to me other than to give them a hug and tell them that I love them.

[Just Me]

It's just me again....well my night was lots of nightmares and on a level of one to ten when I woke up I was and 11 and one is good. The day has progressed and has gone to about a 3 but just took the pill again. Still waiting to hear from my pdoc. Called a couple of times but secretary said he is really busy.
Still really hard to eat but still call my friend and eat while talking seems to wk for me.
Well, I'm off to bed now hoping a better night of dreams. I'm hanging in there but, wow, what a crazy ride.

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. I'm afraid I'm not quailified to comment on what you have done wrong nor do I know you well enough. I know you have tried to do many things right and that is what counts.

Remember we don't necessarily have to do anything wrong to have bad things happen in a family, sometimes that happens by bad luck.

The first mental disturbances that I can remember started to happen to me when I was about 8. They were not my families fault other than perhaps if I had been labbled and gotten some help then, instead of 30 yrs later my illness may not have been so severe.

If your daughter has been not be seen by a child psychiatrist perhaps one may be of help. Remeber sometimes things like ADD etc get mislabbled as bipolar or at least wrongly labbled by an ordinary doc and shrinks who are not accustomed to children. ADD and other illnesses require different treatment, but can cause a whole range of symptoms. I know that child shrinks are rare and there is a wait, but it probably won't hurt to try. Take Care. paul m

[Woody]

Nightmare; what I hate is I will smack down in the middle of one and wake myself up, have a drink of water and turn around and try to go back to sleep only to just be keep on going from the point where I left off. Quiet frustrating! At one point or another I will have to get out of bed and walk around the apartment then go back to bed. That usually helps.

[Just Me]

Hi Tracey
I know it can be very difficult when our children have disorders of some sort. I myself believed my daughter is BP but because of all the drug abuse and just getting sober after many yrs.....the signs are showing now. I know she is not young.
When my children were in there teens 14 they both turned to Alcohol and drugs and I believe it is because Alcoholism has been in our family for yrs and yrs and there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening but had let them know it could happen if they started. I believe it is inherited.
I remember when I was younger the Dr said to my parents that I was sz. But nothing was done but of course back then BP wasn't popular in children. I believed things were worst than they were and there was a lot going on in my family, so of course being a child and not having the knowledge to know it was ok that parents and families have problems that they don't do it on purpose and it does get better.
Sometimes life just is and each family has something to deal with and for you it is your illness and it is not your fault either because it is a disease. The little bit I know about cutting or hurting oneself is to have control in a life she feels is out of control. You are right I believe about wanting the emotionnal pain to stop so she hurts herself physically. I sure hope you can find a child pdoc.
It is ruff but being parents is hard anyway without putting guilt into the mix.

[Just Me]

Well here it is the wkend and no call from the pdoc. I called several times and just got he is busy and needs to talk to me before he can change my meds. It's really sucks as some feels a bit better but nightmares are still there and being in a haze and feeling sick when I want to eat. Also anxiety.
Those that took Abilifi did you have a lot of reactions before it wked or did it get worse before it gets better. I'm just wondering if I keep taking it and it keeps getting worse than that is not good for me either. I know you can't tell me to stop or not but just maybe what your symptoms were.....Thanks

[gtchamp]

Thanks for your support guys. I really appreciate you reminding me to not feel guilty. My worker also told me this when I talked to her about the girls. The youngest has counselling next week and I am still waiting to hear back for my oldest however...for some reason, they seem to be understanding me lately and what I am explaining to them about their emotions and stuff. My youngest is really trying not to explode and she has succeeded. She has not scratched herself since I told her what she was really doing. But...only time will tell because I know things can go well for a while and then dip. We will see.

Just Me...I hope you get some relief soon. Although I am not suffering from nightmares, know that every other night I am awake. I am weaning off of my sleeping pill and it is going to take some time. So I will think of you on those nights when I am awake. We can keep each other company kind of. I will send positive thoughts your way!

Talk to you soon
Tracey

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. We have to remind each other not to feel guilty, these stupid illnesses make us feel guilty all too often. I have spent part of my life not caring about what I did or who I hurt and the rest of it feeling guilty about doing that.

In reality, one would thing that we either have a conscious or we don't, not one that works part time and is then over active when it does work.

For me anyways, getting well was repeatly set back by the horror of all the bad things I had done. Plus this left me unsure of my own actions (doubting myself) for a long time.

I'm not saying that you were ever a bad person, but I would bet that your illness has left plenty of doubts in your mind about how good of a person you really are. That doubt is always so hard to overcome. Your a good person, keep trying to think that way. Take Care. paul m

Hello Just Me. I'm sorry that I have no advice for you on this med, but hang in there and keep fighting to get better. We're routing for you . Take Care. paul m

[Atlantis]

Hi Tracey,

I think you are doing the very, very, very best you can. The same as any mother would do for her baby's, i know they are not really baby's, but when they are hurting they are like baby's are over again.

You yourself are dealing with a mental illness and between the love and support of you and your husband and the expertise of the counsellors your family will get through this and be all the more stronger and closer for it. .

I was raised in a loving home yet I still had mood swings from a very young age...It certaintly had nothing to do with my parents or the home i was raised in.

[Atlantis]

Hi Just Me,

I was on Abilify and had the side effect akathisia (inner restlessness where you can't sit still) very, very annoying and i had to stop taking it.

Any AAT I have tried has not worked for me, they all make me extremely agitated/angry. They work well for many though.

Hope this helps.