Sleeping Meds

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. I thought of death for as long as I can remember. I once questioned my wife if she had ever thought of death when she was younger and her response was "why would I?" The question puzzeled her.

I have no good advice on the subject. I know thoughts of death, or at least not caring whether I lived or died, continued for many yrs, but I never acted on them as a youth.

My youth (say 8-18) was a mixed bag of emotions running from rage, to sadness(not suicidal) , probably some medium depression and some lightly hypomanic times.

I would certainly ask the doctor about her. Take Care. paul m

[AJ]

Let us know how you make out at the family therapist and doctors Appts.
About your daughter, it's sad that she has to deal with such feelings.

[Just Me]

Tracey
When I was young I was called hyper but now know it was manic even back then, I did try when I was older around 11 as things were not great in my home but I don't really remember wanting to die just that I wanted the feelings I was having to stop. I'm really glad your seeing the Dr. good luck.

[gtchamp]

Hi Guys. Thanks for all the messages and insight on the topic regarding my daughter. I didn't think like that as a younger person so it is new to me. I have been to my GP. I have been diagnosed with all the signs of extreme stress and anxiety. I have a hard time breathing, feel like fainting etc. She put me on Zanax (I think that is how it is spelled). Just for a short term. She asked why I was so stressed and I said besides my daughter, I don't know unless it is left over residue from what I just went through (which I told her about).

Anyway, the family therapist was next. I found out that my oldest (12) thought she was causing my disorder to start when she would fight with her sister so she was blaming herself. She also wishes she had it instead of me. She feels very sad that her mother has to deal with bipolar. She made me cry due to the love pouring out of her. My youngest then hugged me. They both expressed that they just wished they knew what to do to help. We are thinking of answers for that. We found out that my youngest uses running away, locking herself in her room or simply talking of dying as a means to get away from embarrassment. I was shocked!! I would never have guessed that! I guess when she gets angry and her tantrum is all over, she sometimes feels silly about it all and just wants to get away, this is her idea of how to do it. In truth, she really doesn't want to go anywhere.

My youngest also says she has a big problem with mommy sleeping because sometimes she has things to tell mommy and she can't tell me. Then by the time I wake up, she forgets. So, to get around this, we now have a communication journal. She can write in it any time she wants and update me on anything. Then when I have time, I will read it and respond. It is just between the two of us. Secondly, the counsellors think a compliment box would be good for our family so my girls have put "mailboxs" on their doors and one for mom and one for dad on our door. Every night, we are to put a compliment down for each member and on Sundays read them. I think this is to help build confidence in our family.

As for me....I gotta learn how to relax. This stressed out thing and anxiety is new to me and I am finding it quit scaring. It is hard enough trying to control my moods (which I'm not doing good at right now), let alone this. We are going to Quebec for a 5 day trip to see the in-laws. I love it there. Should be very relaxing. When I come back, I am told I will be seeing my pdoc and definately my gp again.

So, that's it. Thanks for listening and maybe some of this info has helped someone out there. I'll keep you posted if you want on how the little "projects" go with the girls.

Take care
Tracey

[AJ]

Sounds like you gained some helpful insight into the family dynamics going to a family therapist. Yes please do keep us posted.

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. That all sounds positive. I don't mean everything that was said, but at least now it is out in the open and you can work on it with the girls. In case nobody mentioned it to you, it is very common for young people to blame their parents illness on themselves. I do not fully understand why. Sounds like your family therapist knows their job.

Learning to relax. That is a tough one. It should be simple, but I'm still learning and somedays still failing. But keep trying.

I hope you enjoy your trip to Quebec. If your going soon, perhaps we'll pass on the road, as my sons live in London and we live north of Barrie. My plate # is **** 610, so wave when you see it.

I cannot speak for others, but I am interested in how the "little family project" works out for two reasons. First it sounds interesting and I care. Second, I may have grandchildren some day, and knowledge like that may be valuable. Take Care. paul m

[Atlantis]

Hi Tracey,
Thanks for sharing and being so honest in all your posts.

I have such a hard time reading some of the posts in this thread as they often hit very close to home for me and touch on subjects I have not had the courage to face yet but they are helping me find my courage in so many ways.

I have an 11 year old daughter and I have not had the courage to tell her I have a mental illness called bipolar disorder, when she asked me a couple of weeks ago if i was sick like last year i just said yes mommy's sick. i don't know when i will tell her.

Also I can remember being very sad as a young child, under 10 and not wanting to live. In my 34 years i have never spoke about this, i was ashamed of it. I have such great parents and family, who love me (although they don't understand bipolar and that gets on my last nerve but they still love me with all their hearts)

[uni]

Hello Tracey. It sounds like seeing the therapist was really helpful. I'm definitely interested in hearing how the "projects" go. I hope you have a wonderful trip to Quebec.

[gtchamp]

Hey guys...just got back from Quebec and am tired but thought I would quickly touch base. We have really only started one "project" and that is the journal between my youngest and myself. It is going fantastic! The first night I gave her some compliments then I told her that I had to tell her something. I told her I was starting a new medication and I was a bit scared because I didn't know how it would make me feel. I warned her it might make me tired. She wrote back that I should not worry and gave me things to do so that I would not worry. It was actually quite cute. Since then, she has openned up to me and asked me for advice on some things. Slowly she is openning up. Now my oldest wants to do one with her dad.

Another biggy happened while we were away...my husband finally is going to reach out for help and accept some support that is being offered for the caregiver of our family. Kinda like counselling to educate him on how to help me more cause he just worries all the time. This was huge. I have been trying for years to get him to go.

I hope things continue to fall into place. My stress levels have lowered. I don't have the symptoms anymore. I have stopped the medication. Not my bipolar meds, just the ones for anxiety. It was only temporary anyway.

Take care
Tracey

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. Welcome back. It's good to see your husband accept help. Take Care. paul m

[AJ]

Thats terrific news Tracey... all of it! Thanks for the update.

[gtchamp]

Hi guys. I just wanted to say hi. I don't really have anything new to write because it has been the weekend and things will really start up more during the week. However, I have been thinking of you, Atlantis, and your last post for a long time now. I am sorry that you find this thread hard to read but I am happy that you are finding some courage and perhaps some solutions. We have found at home, that the illness effects every aspect of a families life. For my husband, he has his own business and he openned up and said it was hard to work when all he did was worry about me all day. My kids, suffer at school cause they don't know how things will be at home. As for me...well, I am starting to take on alot of guilt for causing all of this but I know where I can go to get help for that. I hope you continue to find help here Atlantis. I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you.

And Paul and AJ and Uni and Leila and JustMe and anyone I missed. I'm thinking of you all too. Hope you are doing well.

More appointments this week so I will update later.
Tracey

[paul m]

Hello Tracey. We think of you too. But it's always nice to hear that one is being thought of. Well, it's nice to be thought of by people like you. Take Care. paul m

[AJ]

Hi back Tracey. Let us know how your appt. goes.

[Just Me]

Thanks Tracey...... hope things work out and know about guilt but we all some how let it go little by little...