Defeat Depression Story: Be someone’s happy song on their mixtape

Dear Friend,

I want to share a story with you—one that’s deeply personal, but also one I believe might resonate with someone you know.

Picture it. Summer, 1996. I was just about to celebrate my 18th birthday. I just graduated high school and I’m on the way to OAC come fall. I was chasing my dream of being on the radio one day and had an active social life. At face value, people would’ve said that my life was going alright. You’d think so, but I was sad.

Back then, the world thought a lot differently about mental health and depression. I remember the first time I would go see a psychiatrist; my parents told me to be hush about it because people would think I’m crazy. She even put her finger beside her head and made that circular motion around her ear.

One of my best friends at the time, Lisa, was also sad. We would sneak out at night, after watching 90210 and Party of Five, to talk about why we were sad.

We were sad, together.

Something that stuck with me throughout my life is a piece of advice Lisa shared with me once. We were talking about how we dealt with being sad—or depressed—when we’re not able to be with each other and talk. She said she had a mixtape that she listened to. Back then, every teenager had their favourite mixtape, but this one, Lisa urged, was magical. The A-side had all the sad songs. Lisa said that we need to get our sadness out. We need to cry and be angry. The sad songs help that happen. The B-side has all the happy songs. Because after crying, we need to cheer up. Lisa advised me to make a mixtape like hers. So, I did, and it helped me. I even have a tattoo symbolizing that very mixtape on my arm that reminds me of those potent days of my life.

We need to allow ourselves to feel depressed—that’s one of the most important lessons I learned through those mixtapes. Denying our emotions only makes things harder.

Despite the difficult journey—and my ongoing battles with ADHD, anxiety, depression, and most recently, misophonia—I’ve learned something crucial: I know when to seek help. That’s the biggest gift those talks in the park with Lisa gave me. It’s okay to ask for help.

I know it’s been said over and over, but it’s okay to not be okay.

My innocent teenage brain couldn’t fully understand what it meant to feel hopeless, confused, or like I didn’t want to be here. But even though I wish it had been easier, I’m glad I faced those struggles when I did. I believed I was just going through something, and that it would pass—like a storm.

I discovered that there were no quick fixes and that I was in this for the long run. I also learned that I wasn’t alone and that many people, including the majority of people I assumed were like me in 1996—happy-go-lucky, optimistic people—were also dealing with depression.

I’m open about my depression, but I still have dark days.

I’m thankful for campaigns like Defeat Depression. It reminds me that I am not alone and that there are others out there. It also helps combat the stigma surrounding mental health, and that’s where we all hit the jackpot. Yes, feeling heard and wanted and understood is the equivalent of winning the lottery to us! Defeat Depression has done this and continues to do so every year.

While I’m open about my battles—now—I didn’t sign up for this, and I won’t pretend I’m okay all the time—but I’ve learned how to manage. Campaigns like Defeat Depression help lessen the load.

If you’re able to give today, you’ll help ensure that people—maybe even someone closer to you than you realize—get the support they need, when they need it most.