by Gah-Lee W.
How to make a friend is something that we have been taught all our lives, but for many of us, it’s still a challenging process. We continue to form social bonds all throughout our lives. This piece touches on how to make a friend after high school, all while being in tune with your own mental health.
Leaving High School is Scary
The transition from high school to post-secondary education, or other opportunities, is usually a time where people will be tossed into a new environment, oftentimes without the comfort of their past friendships. It’s a time for us to figure out who we are as individuals, and an opportunity to choose who we want to surround ourselves with, which can be an intimidating task.
New Opportunities
Now that we are presented with the opportunity to make new friends, we are no longer forced to interact with the same people every day. It also might be a time where your journey with education has come to an end or a pause, and now it is up to you to find a way to interact with new people.
Social Isolation as the “New Normal”
The past few years have been detrimental to our social interactions and have left many people feeling alone and isolated. We as humans are social beings, and for a lot of us the time in isolation due to the pandemic was tough on our mental health. Even without social distancing, a lot of people struggle with making new friends. We had to factor in this new world where many people were weary of getting too close to each other, with facial expressions hidden under masks. This was our reality for a long time, but should not stop us now from trying to make those connections we crave. So, how can you jump back into the social game and make a new friend?
Quality Over Quantity
First off, I understand that it’s a lot of pressure to meet new people. We’ve all been in a friendship that has not worked out. It’s cliché, but quality over quantity is the best way to approach meeting new friends. The more we age, the fewer people there are in our social circle because we tend to prioritize romantic partners and our own independent development. However, these are usually the people who will continue to be in our lives for many years. Hopefully this ideology eases the pressure of trying to make a bunch of friends all at once.
Similarities Attract
Another cliché saying is that opposites attract. According to a 1960 study in the Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology by psychologist Carroll Izard, it is actually easier for people to get along with others who are similar to themselves. This is not to say that if you meet someone who is completely different to you that you would not get along. However, for everyone who gets anxious meeting new people and even for those who may not be, meeting a friend in a mutual and comfortable environment is the key to forming an easy connection.
Do What Interests You
Joining clubs, groups, teams, and being a part of something that interests you is so important to be able to form meaningful friendships. This gives you the opportunity to feel more comfortable and associate making a friend with something that you enjoy doing. Also, this almost always guarantees that you’ll be surrounded by people who have similar interests to you. Those similarities are what can be used to strike up conversations that will hopefully lead to a friendship.
It’s Okay to be Awkward
Unfortunately, we live in a time where many people are afraid to simply say, “Hi” to someone sitting next to them because they fear that they may be judged for being weird, awkward or pushy. But, I can assure you that if you might be having those doubts, there are others who are in the exact same boat. Sometimes you have to take that chance of a few minutes of awkwardness to make a friend. Even if it does not lead to anything more than a quick “Hi, how are you?”, the experience will get easier the more often you do it. Asking a question about class, asking to borrow a pencil, or asking them how their week has been are some more options that can naturally start a conversation.
You Are Part of a Community
We also have the benefit of forming connections within a common community of students. This only increases the things that you can connect with someone about, whether that’s the bad food on campus, the professor that gives too much homework, or the awful bus schedules. It is helpful to remember that you are part of a bigger community and there is always something that you can relate to in another person.
It’s a Process
The most important thing to remember about friendship is that you can be yourself and share that with someone else. Friendship is a two way street, and not every friend you meet will always be what you may be looking for at the time. If a conversation does not lead to the friendship you were looking for, that is part of the process, and it’s okay! Not every connection we make in our lives is going to be beneficial for us and it is important to not let ourselves get too down over connections that are just not right.
Friendships Are Rewarding
It is crucial that you know what you are looking for in a friend. We all have some friends who we see every once and a while for coffee, or those who we hang out with on social occasions, and some of us are lucky to have friends who we have grown up with and every time we see them, it’s like no time has passed. Friendships are hard, time consuming, and take a long time to form for some people. However, when you do make that friend that clicks into your life it can be the most rewarding experience.
